31 August 2009

My Mom = Cotton from POTC

This evening, my mom gave me a lecture about how I need to focus and that she gives me this lecture every year. She also said that she thinks that I think she sounds like a broken record. Then she went on to tell me to fix the broken record so I won't be listening to the same bullshit every year. You know the first thing that popped into my head was to just cut her tongue out. That way, she can't say shit to me.

30 August 2009

I can't handle the weight of the world that rests upon my shoulders.

I'm trying to think of reasons why I care so much......
And I can't find a reason. I just do.
Sometimes, I wonder if I can stop caring.
But, I know I can't.
I want to stop caring.
Then everything wouldn't hurt so bad.
Like the fact that I will probably never have my best friend back.
Or that because I fall too hard too fast that I will scare every guy I have/will ever like away.
If I didn't care so much, it wouldn't hurt.
Sam was right.
I want everyone to be my friend and I want everyone to like me.
And knowing that people aren't my friend or don't like me absolutely KILLS me.
And maybe, I'm not strong enough to handle that.
I hate admitting that I am a weak person,
but I am.
I am very weak.
That is probably why Senora hates me.
That is probably why everyone eventually gets bored with me and moves on.
I want to say I'm okay with that,
but I know it would be a lie.

29 August 2009

Did you see my party dress?

you know what always makes me feel better???


especially if the song makes no sense to anyone else in the room. LMAO

I am what I am and I can't change....

I am insecure.
I am afraid.
I am passionate.
I am quiet.
I am a good listener.
I am a good friend.
I avoid confrontation.
I run head first into love.
I worry.
I care.
I am jealous.
I am faithful.
I love to laugh.
I love to cry.
I am insecure.
I am afraid.
I am passionate.
I am quiet.
I am what I am and I can't change...

If I Fall, Will You Catch Me?

Melissa is right. I fall too quickly. I should do something about that. Maybe, not fall at all. That seems like a good solution. I guess. But, that solution seems very lonely. And depressing.....wait, how is that any different from the problem?


10 Reasons I Should be a Likeable Person

Because Chelsea told me to do this, and because she'd probably tell me to do it immediately if she knew I was beating myself up right now, I will write down everything I like about myself.

1. I have amazing calves.

2. I have good taste in music.

3. I have good taste in books.

4. I have good taste in boys.

5. I'm a good writer.

6. I'm a good singer.

7. I give great hugs.

8. I try to be a good friend.

9. I'm not fat.

10. I'm kinda pretty.

Those are the 10 things I like about myself today........and writing these down did not make me feel better. Yay!

Strange Days We Are Livin' In...

Okay, so my parents were up til 4 in the morning blasting music and I got NO sleep. Isn't that kinda backwards? I'm going to be tired all day. And it's not like I can tell my internal clock to not wake me up at 9. yay! This also means I'm going to look like crap all day. I'm probably gonna pull my hair back into a ponytail and were sweats all day. I want to make chocolate chip cookies.

28 August 2009

I'm roughly six feet tall...

I have realized that I spend a lot of my time confused. But, I also spend a lot of my time thinking about things instead of doing them. I don't understand why I am shy or nervous around people. My mum thinks I'm a social butterfly or I have a lot of friends or whatever, but in all honesty, most of my friendships happen out of random occurances. I've never gone up to anyone and just introduced myself or anything like that. And usually, when people meet me, I'm really hyper or something and then as they get to know me, I'm not as hyper or energetic or loud or spontaneous. In reality, I'm quiet and extremely introspective. I'm a koala bear.

On the Brightside by NeverShoutNever

I met a man of two feet tall
This man was quite ambitious
In a world that is so vicious to us all
I said, "Hi," as he replied
He said, "Listen to these words
That I have lived by my whole life

"You're only as tall as your heart will let you be
And you're only as small as the world will make you seem
When the going gets rough and you feel like you may fall
Just look on the brightside - you're roughly six feet tall"

I met a man of 12 feet tall
He towered like a giant
In a world that was defiant of his height
I said, "Hi," as he replied
He said, "Listen to these words
That I have dreaded my whole life

"You're only as tall as your heart will let you be
And you're only as small as the world will make you seem
When the going gets rough and you feel like you may fall
Just look on the brightside - you're roughly six feet tall."

I am a man of six feet tall
Just looking for some answers
In a world that answers none of them at all
I'll say, "Hi," but not reply
To the letters that you write
Because I found some peace of mind

Cause I'm only as tall as my heart will let me be
And I'm only as small as the world will make me seem
When the going gets rough and I feel like I may fall
I'll look on the brightside - I'm roughly six feet tall.

I'm really in love with this song right now. I have been listening to it on repeat for 2 days.

I need help writing this novelette I've been writing. I've already written 2 chapters, but I can't think of anything else to write. I've been preoccupied lately. But, I really need to start writing again. I need to focus.

27 August 2009

12 Ways to Win Her Heart

1. Tickle her. She'll love it even though she tells you to stop.

2. Forget diamonds! Hugs are a girl's best friend. She loves them...especially if they are from you.

3. Spend time with her, even if it's time just sitting not doing or saying anything. Your presence is enough.

4. Hug her and tell her she looks beautiful when she thinks she looks like crap.

5. Tell her she's cute/pretty/beautiful whenever you can. She likes getting compliments even when she says she doesn't.

6. Hold her hand or wrap your arm around her. She likes it when you touch her.

7. Laugh with her, not at her. And if she thinks you're laughing at her, hug her to reassure her you're not.

8. If she's cold, wrap your arm around her or give her your coat/jacket/hoodie. She will think you are the sweetest thing in the world even if she already does.

9. Short kisses on the cheek/forehead/neck are always sweet. They let her know how much you care without being overly showy.

10. She's nervous around you, so you both are in the same boat. Yay mutual nervousness!

11. Tell her you care, no matter how you say it.

12. Be yourself as much as possible. If you're not, she'll think you have something to hide.

I just realized that when I'm thinking really hard about something, I avoid eye contact and get really really quiet. I also bite my bottom lip.

WTF God!?!

Okay, today, I discovered a magical mystical wall called I-459. You see, this magical wall protects everything on the Vestavia side from rain, hurricanes, fire, whatever. However, if the power goes out on the Vestavia side, the Irondale side is completely fine!

So, when school let out this afternoon, it was pouring down rain. I mean rivers of water rushing down the street, sheets of water falling from the sky. I couldn't see out of my windshield. And because I left my umbrella and rain jacket in the car (I didn't expect it to rain today) I had to jet it to my car half way across the parking lot. I was completely soaked head to toe by the time I got to my car.

Well, my house is maybe 2 miles or less away from my school. And that magical wall I told you about bisects the distance. Well, it poured until we got to I-459. Then as soon as we passed over it, it was completely dry. The nuns at the convent near my house were outside gardening! There was no trace of rain anywhere. I've been home for an hour, NO RAIN!

WTF, God?

I just want to know if You actually made I-459 a magical shield-wall-thingy because that would be soooooo cool!

26 August 2009


I actually can go to Chelsea's birthday party. YAY!

I still don't know if I can go to the coffee shop tomorrow cuz my mommie hasn't given me an answer.

Yes, I refer to my mother as "mommie" or "mum" depending on how endearing I feel at the time.

25 August 2009

I'm a fucking asshole.

I think I preferred being naive and not knowing why she was mad at me. It didn't hurt so much. I can't stop crying.
I told myself I would never cry again in 8th grade.
Crying is pathetic and weak.
I'm not a pathetic or weak person.
But, I can't stop crying.

I'm a jerk.

Well, I figured out why Chelsea's mad at me.
And now I can go from being depressed to feeling like a complete and utter jerk.
I said what I said because I was depressed and pissed off and jealous.
I'm sorry.
See, like my mother said, I'm controlled by my emotions and because of my stupid emotions, I pissed off my best friend to the point that she didn't want to talk to me.
I am such an asshole.
I thought knowing why she was mad at me would help me feel better, but it doesn't.
It just makes me feel worse.
I might go cry now.
Or at least try to cry because I haven't cried since 8th grade.
Yay for being a horrible friend.
This is exactly why people don't like me.
I am mean.
I piss people off.
This is exactly why I would prefer to just be left alone.
Then I can't hurt other people.
I'm fucking horrible.
oh wow, I've actually started to cry.
I'm so fucking horrible.
And apparently, Sally's pissed at me too.
I'm sorry to her too.
I'm pretty much the lowest scum on the earth now.
This is why I avoid people.
I eventually find a way to screw it up.
Even though they are great people and no one could ask for better friends,
I still find some way to fuck it up.
Way to go, Jordan.

Sometimes, staring at the ceiling seems more fun than facing reality

So, you know what sucks?
Going from being best friends one day to barely speaking the next.
I don't even know if I should get her a birthday present or not.
I want to, but I'm not sure she'd want a gift from me.
I honestly feel like shit because I want to find a way to figure this out,
but I can't.
I don't know what to do.
I feel like crying,
but I can't.
I don't know anymore.

24 August 2009

I have a lot on my mind...

Three post in one day...you're probably thinking "Does this girl have a life?"
Well, in all honesty, I don't.
I kinda knew what I wanted to write here,
but now I'm thinking I don't want to post it because I'm not sure who's reading this,
and I'm a little weary about spilling my guts.
But, after this "phase" whatever thing that is going on right now passes,
the guts will resume spillage....
that sounds really gross.
not what I had intended.
So, now, I'm going to post the lyrics of the song I am listening to because that seems way more fun than the whole gut spilling idea.

Bigcitydreams by NeverShoutNever

You say we're both little people and you like it that way
But, in time I'm gonna put this body to shame (grow old)
Wear a suit like my old man
Pack up all my things and get my ass out of town

You got it good.
Whether you like this town or not
I know it's small but with a big head it's bound to get hot
In the summer
The summer is a bummer if you can't leave
this pathetic excuse for a town
That holds all your memories
A lifetime of crushes and your broken dreams
To be anywhere but here
But baby anywhere is away from me.

And you
if you got it all figured out
Then what is there to shout about
This midwest town is gonna miss you
Just go ahead and work it out.
But first come on and let it out.
Scream and shout and tell everybody that you're gonna leave.

i don't feel like putting the rest of the lyrics so you will just have to be satisfied with that.


Monday........ :/

So, I don't know why this monday should be different from any other monday. Except for the fact that I left all my AP BIO stuff in my car which I didn't drive today, I got bit by 3 fire ants, and my best friend was mad at me. Why is she mad at me? I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA!!!!
I also had a IB GEO test that I wasn't prepared for. I answered maybe 23 out of 58 questions. I'm also wondering how I have a B in the glass when the only thing we've done is make a map of the world and draw a map of directions to get to my house. Maybe she didn't like my maps. That's a load of crap because I even gave her an alternate route on the directions to my house. There is no possible way to get lost from those directions. Maybe she doesn't like me. Well, that means I will always start my days on a bad note. :/
I'm beginning to think that I annoy my friends. They just constantly seem annoyed with me. I was actually surprised when people started talking to me cuz I'm usually the one to start conversations and that ish. I don't think I will talk to people tomorrow, which is bad because Tuesday is my favorite day of the week....
I really want to know why Chelsea is mad at me. She tried to play it off like she wasn't this afternoon, but that just made things awkward. I just want to know why she's mad at me. I don't know what I've done and maybe if I knew what I did wrong, I could fix it.
Well, I'm going to go do my homework like the good little nerd I'm supposed to be. Or maybe I'll watch Hook...idk. I'm too fucking depressed to watch Hook. Maybe I'll go to sleep...

23 August 2009

i hate being a senior at the moment.

i just remembered the butt load of homework that i have due in the morning. and guess what? i have a geo test and i don't even have the book with me.
i fail as a student....


yay embarrassment!!!!!

09 August 2009

I wanna live a life in a new perspective...

I am an overly paranoid person.
I am not a fun person.
I don't invite people to my house because there is nothing to do at my house.
I, once again, hung out with my friends and felt like a third wheel.
I don't understand why people are my friends.
I realize that I am a huge disappointment to my parents.

I really want to change all of what I have just listed. I just don't know how. I really want to know why people don't like me.

08 August 2009

Mommie, don't make me go to school!!!!

In honor of the beloved, feared, forthcoming senior year, I am making a few promises:

1. I will have a date to senior prom.....that is of the male gender.
2. I will somehow seduce Matthew.
3. I will not fail any classes.
4. I will piss off everyone who pisses me off. That list is long.
5. I will turn to music and writing when things don't go my way....no matter how much it hurts.
6. I will once and for all disspell any feelings I have for James because it is painfully obvious that he doesn't like me.

04 August 2009

Embrace the Nerdiness Vol. 1

Here's a little something that I have noticed....

As much as I wish I could vlog on youtube, I can't. Why, you ask? Because I have NO video equipment. I may have gotten a new computer, but said new computer is without webcam. GRRRR....anyway.....I just thought I'd say that...and now that I think about it, this was a total waste of blog post....oh well.

03 August 2009

Duckies and Decals


Four things happened today:

1. I went to registration for school and got my schedule, parking decal, and locker.

2. I went broke in 2 seconds, thanks to a giant library fee I wasn't aware I had.

3. I got malled on the back by a cat and didn't realize it had happened until I stuck my finger in a bleeding hole 30 minutes later.

4. I fed duckies!!!

Three things that didn't happen today:

1. I didn't go to the movies with my best friend because I was broke.

2. I didn't write the essay I have for school in a week.

3. I didn't finish my discrete math packet that is due in a week.

Good day right? Sort of. I didn't have my car half the day, and that kinda sucks, but I have it now and I have never missed my cars so much. Also, I just spent an hour and a half watching YouTube videos that I haven't watched all month. Another thing, don't expect me to be writing much in this thing after school starts, but I will try to write every once in a while! :D But, I still have videos to watch, so I will leave you now. I will be back, so don't go get some abandonment issues.



01 August 2009

Puppies, New Computers and School Registration

Hello lovelies!
Anyone want to adopt some puppies? Well, if you feel like driving all the way to Alabama, you can adopt them. But, for those of you who want adopt some cute, adorable, loveable, energetic puppies, who live in Alabama, come on down to the Greater Birmingham Humane Society and take a look around. All the animals there are adorable, even the maniacle guinae pigs. I personally work with the puppies and dogs so I obviously recommend getting one of our cuties. They love attention and love and each other. lol

Wow, that was a shameless plug for where I work. Oh well.

I got a new computer today! Well, yesterday, technically. I love it! It's not broken or slow or internet challenged! I'm happy. Woot!

I have registration on monday. I also have to take my car to the mechanic. Busy day on my day off....I thought I was supposed to sleep? Grrr.... At least this year I get first dibs on lockers and parking spaces. Woo! Senior! I've never had a top locker. I need a top locker. Those bottom ones are bad on my knees....they're making me old. I really hope they gave me Counterpane and intermediate dance this year.

Okay, I'm getting sleepy, so I will leave it at that, I guess.

I wish I spent more time with James. He's a total sweetheart. Someone might think that I have a crush on him or like him in anyway, but I don't. He's just a really really good friend. I'm glad he's in my life.

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